-----
Original Message -----
From:
justin
To:
twirls
Sent:
Wednesday, November 12, 2008 5:14 PM
Jocinda, Compy, whoever else... that
can read this through without passing a judgement.
~I dont want to fix it. There shouldnt HAVE to be anything to fix okay
~
http://www.onlythroughthepain.com/forum/topics/i-feel-so-sad-and-lonely
~In case you're that desperate to know what
goes on in my mind
~I help people day in and day out
~I shouldn't have to deal with this
~I don't need the mental stress
~And I'm tired of being judged because I'm young
Stop
trying to kid yourselves and stop trying to kid me... from the get go you guys
always have has an iffy side on me, either from the past or from the fact I'm
younger than all of you. It gives none of you a right to either put blame of
this on me nor blame of anything on me... I'm tired of being pushed aside as if
I don't know what I'm talking about... we're friggin' online, who cares? I'm
tired of acting like a pushover. I'm not stupid, and I have every right to stand
up for what I believe you guys are doing to me, and you ARE... minus Joel, to be
honest, from day 1 he has never really judged me to my face and I really
appreciate that... the guy has a great heart. But you Jocinda, you always are
like "well... you know.. it's compy... and ... _________.... and ______..."...
I'm never the one allowed to be hurt, I'm never the one allowed to have an issue
with you guys. It reminds me of like movie night, when I please ask you to tell
me when it is, then you get an attitude "I told everybody"... no, you didn't
"tell me" anything... and you nor anyone else informed me what day or time, be
it weeks before we watched, or the day we watched. If you all wanted me gone you
should've just said. I'm not going to stick here and be like "you know what
you're right, it's all compy"... in case you didn't notice, I tried apologizing
to him and instead of talking it out with me at any time HE blocked me. You all
can say in your minds that "I'm/he's right" and "you're wrong"... and you know
what, theres always that chance. But I highly doubt it come this time around,
and I'm not being a pushover. You all were my FAMILY. I almost wrote a fucking
deathwish last night over this bullshit. My mother can't figure out why I'm so
damn tired and mentally drained anymore, why I stopped studying so much... and
honestly it's not all you guys of course, my life just sucks as usual. But this
tops that "crap cake" you were talking about Jocinda. I tried talking it out
with compy but he had me blocked. Just because I know about computers or that
I'm 18 does not mean I'm not as intelligent as one of you guys or on the same
thinking level. I respected all of you, and in all reality its your faults if
you never understood my smart sense of sarcastic humor, because anyone that
really cared about me would know from day 1 that my humor requires a little
thought and no judgement. And I'll be damned if all of you just deny any of
this... because look into your hearts... and I'm sorry to say you have not
treated me right... and I should've seen it from the start and saved myself the
trouble... but no, that's my bad... I'm sorry that I ever 'cause you all
"trouble"... But I need to stick up for myself... even if I'm "wrong this
time"... I'm not wrong from previous times that this crap has happened, I just
never said anything or stood up.
I'm gone... that's all that matters... I'm not crying over a family that didn't
truly exist anymore.
Justin...